After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
