if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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