I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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