And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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