4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
