he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
