Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
