Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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