please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
