Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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