I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I will pee on everything he values.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
