Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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