who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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