why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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