remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
