Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
