my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
