Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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