Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
