Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
