This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
