I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
