I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
