my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
