I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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