Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
