i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Someone came in the potted fern
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
