I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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