I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
