why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
