her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
