Screwed.edu
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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