Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
