So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
