There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize