my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then