I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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