You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
