I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He better not be in your backpack
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
