Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
