I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
