Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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