my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
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Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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