idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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