apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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