I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
