then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
