my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
