so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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