I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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