Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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