It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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