get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
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She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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