If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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