2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
