I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
