life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
