You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
