My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
