youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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