It's like God shit irony all over that family
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
