that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
MIDGETS
????
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
