he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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