Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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