I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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