New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
