Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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