I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
