im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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