Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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