He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
