She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
