I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
