You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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