We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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