GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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