come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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