Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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