I am in a vortex of obligation.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
