Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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