you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
