What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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